Following in the vain of Bill Maher, it is time for
NEW RULE: If you throw your baby’s pampers out a car window, just casually toss your big Arizona Ice Tea can on the ground, dump your fast food Chinese take out along with chicken bones on a sidewalk in front of someone’s house, toss out your dirty mattress onto the sidewalk without wrapping it or let your trash overflow in your garbage cans that have no lids, then no one gets to call me a racist or redneck or a bigot when I state that this is low class ghetto behavior, because throwing your baby’s pampers out the window IS LOW CLASS GHETTO BEHAVIOR, period, you cannot spin that any other way. Tell that to the squirrel.
NEW RULE: If you come from a third world country and throw your garbage all over the place because that is what you did in your country, no one can say, “well that is what they do in their country” or “we need to educate them”. See in parts of Africa, female genital mutilation is a common thing, BUT, you cannot do that here in the USA. In Saudi Arabia, the beheading or stoning of a woman in public who is thought to be an adulterous is legal, BUT that would not go over well here. In Pakistan, acid throwing in the face of women is all too common, BUT you would end up in prison here in the USA. So tossing garbage all over the place in your homeland may be the customary thing to do, BUT it is NOT customary in the USA. We have a new modern invention called “garbage cans”.
NEW RULE: You cannot open up another beauty and supply store, wig store, 99 cent store or cheap ass clothing store until we get to open up 10 high quality retail stores and 10 nice sit-down restaurants where the entrée is at least over $15 dollars and the food is not slopped onto a plate behind a counter by someone wearing a hair net. Walking along Jamaica Avenue from Parsons Boulevard to 170th Street, I counted 9, yes 9 large beauty and supply stores and that is not counting all the ones on the side streets. You would think that with that many beauty stores, everyone would be a complete knock-out walking along Jamaica Avenue……………………………..……. well……. you would think.
NEW RULE: You cannot say that Jamaica is a “fashion destination” unless you actually have fashion. Jamaica had their first “Come to Fashion” show last year and it will become an annual event and I am all for improving the community of Jamaica and changing the bad image that we have. But first you must have uh,………….. fashion. Wearing baggy pants hanging down off your ass with a sideways ball cap does not say “fashionista”, it reads I am an unemployed dufus, women beware. Wearing size 2 pants on a size 12 body while your gut drags off the ground does not scream out “style”, it says, “I will take 2 big Macs, a large order of fries and a shake to go.” Also you must have at least 3 nice fashion clothing stores on Jamaica Avenue before you utter the word fashion. Half the stores are cheap ass third world looking crap made by third world immigrants under 13 years of age and the other half can clothe an entire nation of hookers and porn stars.
NEW RULE: Jamaica politicians must wait at least 6 months in between corruption scandals. It seems that every other day another local politician is trying to steal an election or fatten up their piggy bank with tax payers’ dollars. You need a score card to keep track of who is taking what and how much. I would have much more respect for douche bag Senator Malcolm Smith if he took a photo of his dick and put it on the internet as opposed to trying to rig the mayor’s election. Showing his member does not hurt the community and actually people will see what you are really made of. I would have more respect for former Senator Shirley Huntley or Assembly Member Vivian Cook if they took a photo of their saggy tits and posted them on the internet………………….…………………………uh………………you know, on second thought just take the money and run, we won’t tell.